While I'm Waiting

Be honest for a minute and think about it...is WAITING really "fun?" Is it easy or what we WANT to do? Seriously, do you LIKE to wait in line at the bank, in the store or in the drive thru? NO. We are, by nature, very impatient creatures. Waiting and patience are not something we do very well the majority of the time. I know I sure don't.

I have been encouraged by one of my dear friends, Miranda, and her recent blogs on waiting on God and His timing while desiring HIS will and not ours. She talks about just being STILL and knowing He is God, which was "coincidentally" my devotion for today, and a verse that I have shared with a few friends that God has given me since Tori's death. I encourage you to read Miranda's recent blogs on this subject.

Why has WAITING on the Lord and BEING STILL and KNOWING HE IS GOD been brought to my heart and mind so much lately...hmmmm?? Probably because I'm so stubborn and strong willed until I am determined to do it MY way, when all the time God is watching and waiting on me to slow down so I can hear His voice and see His hand at work. If you're anything like me, you rush through life, with YOUR (our) agenda, YOUR plans, YOUR desires....when that is clearly not of God and what He desires for our lives.

If you remember from my recent post about the movie FIREPROOF, I recently went to the screening and was blown away and encouraged after leaving the theater. One of the songs, "While I'm Waiting," by John Waller is in the movie and plays at a very moving point of the movie. I would like to share the lyrics and the music with you. If you click on the link below, you can hear the song on myspace (you don't have to have an account), just scroll down and make sure "While I'm Waiting" is highlighted and playing on the music player to the right. Please take a couple of minutes to hear it. It is a very powerful song to me. I have listened to the soundtrack they gave us several times over and over in my car. Every song on there is absolutely wonderful.

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This song is a challenge to me that even while I'm waiting on God to work, to move, to speak...will I wait?? Will I Serve Him?? Will I worship Him?? Will I stay faithful?? Be honest as I am being with you, and think of when you're waiting on someone or something (in a spiritual sense or not) if you are having to wait longer than normal, or longer than YOU think you should be waiting, or even not knowing what you're waiting on sometimes, is it easy to always stay faithful to the cause?! I mean, is it always easy to stick to it or do you just want to give up and forget the whole thing at times?!

I think of being in a drive thru waiting to place your order and the line doesn't budge for over 5 minutes, would you still be sitting there? Would you have even made it to the 5 minute mark? If you're like me, I would have driven off because I wouldn't have paid yet and then go to the next closest place instead? Isn't that what we do with God? When we wait too long or don't like what's happening in the interim, we "drive off" and go looking for the next best thing.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to settle for the next best thing when I know God has something better in store for me right where I am right now...and that is waiting on Him to reveal it to me. So, until He does, I will strive to stay faithful, persevere, continue worshipping and serving Him and pray for His help to do all of that well. There's NO way I can do all that on my own (Phil. 4:13).

Here are the lyrics to the song and what JW personally writes about them. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

While I’m Waiting - John Waller
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24

"The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written
a song if my friend, Mike, hadn't encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people
who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait.
Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.” John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

© 2007 Travelin’ Zoo Music (ASCAP) (admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)

Oppression

Well, it's been over a week now since I've blogged. I was thinking back to something I wrote about before while doing my recent Beth Moore Study, "Stepping Up." Oppression. I know, I know, I could have chosen a much more cheery, joyous topic to talk about, but this subject came to mind today so allow me to go here for a moment if you will.

When we feel oppressed, it may be because of something we've done to ourselves and it has in turn caused us to feel oppressed and beaten down, or it could simply be the consequences to our sin causing us to feel that oppression? But what about oppression being brought on by circumstances beyond our control? What about oppression leading to DEpression? A feeling of hopelessness or wanting to just throw in the towel? I mean more than just the occasional bad day or blue mood? Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe you haven't ever felt in your spirit the kind of oppression I am referring to. I have. I felt this way all too recently. Let me explain.

My baby would have been a year old in a month from yesterday. As that day approaches, I am more and more saddened. Since her birth, so much has changed and I have definitely felt the state of being oppressed several times. Since her death, I have come to accept it better than I ever thought I would, and through the encouragement of all my readers, I have felt like keeping on keeping on, but mostly through the grace,strength and comfort from our Lord. However, I intentionally haven't always blogged about all the hard times. I've mostly blogged (all the way back to her caring bridge page) about all the positive and uplifting times and days when I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've honestly tried not to dwell so much on the bad. People have commented on this, but they haven't always seen the other side. I am human. I have fallen and I have been weak. I have thankfully gotten up every time I fell, but lately I feel very weary and am trying my hardest to beat this sense of "oppression."

I so desperately want Tori's legacy to be one that's positive, strong, uplifiting, encouraging and life changing. I want the devil to be defeated and to personally come out on the other side as a victor in Him. To be honest, though, some days I don't feel that that's been the case in some ways. I don't doubt my God or what He's allowed to happen AT ALL, but I do wonder (and actually know) if Satan is trying to use things and people to affect everything that's happened in a negative way. He wants nothing more than for myself and others to feel oppressed because of this.

I covet your prayers in the days ahead as I am constantly reminded lately of where I was a year ago at this time, not knowing that right around this time period, my body quit feeding Tori and she did not have nutrients for about a month before she was born. I began to get sick as a result. When she was about to be delivered, it was even life threatening for us both to a degree. Thank the Lord for wise doctors of knowing when and what to do, but it all brings back unpleasant memories to say the least.

Along with Steven Curtis Chapman's wife knowing and accepting God's will, I still wish my baby was here with me ultimately, and that we were planning for her first birthday with presents and cake galore celebrating her little life! I urge you to watch this clip below of an interview of SCC and his wife in their home. I broke down when I saw this, because I could totally relate, and it hurt me for her as well. Please take a few minutes and watch what an awesome testimony they have. I hope and pray to be able to say and do the same. Some may say we have, but as we've grieved, I've not personally given myself any leniency in this because I don't ever want to become, and as a result, stay mad at God. I have questions, sure, just like SCC says, but that's what faith is, not having answers to your questions and yet trusting anyway. I know that it is far too easy for Satan to plant that seed and run with it in people's minds that God is to blame, so I haven't even let myself go there. I trust that He had a bigger plan, and as hard as it is sometimes, not my will be done....but HIS.

I want my baby's life to have counted for something, to mean something, to have made a difference...not cause oppression...bottom line.

FOUR STARS ****

Josh and I saw the screening of FIREPROOF last night, and I give it a full four stars!! It was awesome. Flywheel and Facing the Giants were good, too, and you should definitely get them on DVD if you haven't seen them already. Fireproof was definitely my favorite, though! Kirk Cameron did a great job, as did all the actors/actresses.

It was a movie I could relate to because it didn't sugarcoat marriage like Hollywood usually does...portraying life to be like it is in most movies where the spouses never fight, the children always get along,the pets are never in need of a bath, the house is always in order, the bills are always paid and life is grand....yeah right.

The facts of life, which Hollywood tends to leave out, is that life isn't always as simple or as grand and glorious as it's cracked out to be....the mortgage is due the same week you have an unexpected emergency you have to pay for; your spouse and you DON'T always see eye to eye; the kids DO fight and get in trouble at school; people get laid off at their jobs; and all sorts of difficult and stressful things.

This movie relates to how UNperfect people we really are and yet how we can not only survive, but prosper, and that is with the HOPE that Jesus Christ gives us through Salvation and what comes through committing our lives to Him. It also showed what HE can do through our committment to Him to make our marriages prosper despite how rough life can be.

Josh and I were very encouraged and refreshed after this movie; everyone needs a pick me up from time to time. With everything we've gone through these past two years, life has seemed overwhelming most of the time. We've held on and endured as best we knew how, but we've also both messed up many times along the way. I am thankful after seeing this movie how God can take all our mistakes, disappointments and broken hearts and make an abundant marriage out of it all.

After seeing the screening, we were given the information needed to rent out a showtime for our church members when the movie is released. We are in the process of looking into that because it is something that EVERY married couple needs to see (whether you've had marital problems or NOT), college and career students (as they prepare for future relationships), high school students (as they begin to date and wonder what to look for in a relationship), single and divorced men and women (it has something for EVERYONE!) and Christians and non-Christians (it's a great outreach tool and plants the seed of salvation).

As you can see, I'm a big supporter of it. I am praying that it will continue to make an impact in mine and Josh's lives and that we will "never leave our partner behind" (you've got to watch the movie to understand...) and that is my prayer for you all, too.

Take 2 minutes and watch the trailer below. It's awesome. Then check out the AWESOME music videos below. You will be blessed and encouraged.

FIREPROOF trailer



The link to the Warren Barfield music video "Love is not a Fight."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aivAVbmUQ7U&feature=user

SLOW FADE by CASTING CROWNS music video:


See the countdown on my page for how many days until you can see FIREPROOF in theatres for yourself!

Thank you!

I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to all of you who gave to the Swim for Melissa foundation in memory of Tori. I appreciate you all so much and your generous and caring spirits. This was DEFINITELY a good cause to give to, and every penny you gave will be used towards saving lives. Please be assured.

Today is the last day to give, but our final total as of this morning is $1,320! YAY! It is $180 short of our goal, but like I said, meeting our goal was not a competition for us, we just wanted to raise as much as we could to help and we did just that. Thank you again to all the willing donors.

You can check out the final stats here

Where Does My Help Come From?

Well, where does it come from?! Hopefully you said the Lord. Although some people look to other sources- such as astrology, horoscopes, other people, the news, self help books, etc. You get my point. While some of those things aren't "bad," they are not what we should (myself included!) rely on as our sole source of help in times of trouble.

This verse I wanted to share with you today from my Beth Moore study came up several times during Tori's sickness. I had to often times remind myself that no doctor, nurse, medication, etc. could be what I solely relied on for strength, hope, and even a cure. To remind you of that time period and how well this applied, I read an old blog that I remembered writing about this very verse back when Tori was in the hospital. I can still remember looking out her hospital room window that day (she had a huge window in her room compared to most hospital rooms) and I always enjoyed reflecting on things such as this while looking out of it.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121:1-8


As I read the way Beth drew a parallel to the fact that this passage is similar as an actual earthly journey and our everyday spiritual journey, I envisioned a traveler walking down a path with high mountains on both sides of him (just like I feel sometimes- overwhelming "giants" all around me), watching for thieves who try to steal from him (AKA "the Devil" for us), and yet the psalm he was still singing about his Protector, his Deliverer, his Savior -- and believing it was true. WOW.

What are some of the things that we want in our everydayjourneys that a traveler might want when their path is uncertain just as ours is? I listed security, protection, comfort, stability, reassurance, peace of mind, etc. The list could go on and on. The fact is, in verses 7 and 8 alone, it says the Lord will do all of those things for us. It says He will protect us, keep us, and guard us. If that doesn't give you comfort about Who holds your future, I don't know what will! (I must admit the words on these pages of the Bible haven't always been as real and exciting to me at previous times in my life, but they are now and I long to read more and more encouraging things like Psalm 121!)

Beth asked if there was a current need in our lives where we need these truths hammered into our heads; well I listed 3 different ones. I need to constantly be reminded of His promises; otherwise, I might have thrown in the towel by now. What about you? What situation do you need to remind yourself of and counter it with one of God's promises? I promise it will help to list them and then list a promise beside it that He has given to us.

In closing, I want to share something she said that really hit home to me about His protection in my everyday life: "God always protects His children. Yes, often from the physical threats of the world around us, but always in the unseen realm where demons hiss and the gates of hell quake. Our feet do not slip in a world so real, so vivid, that ours is a shadow by comparison. The Lord lets no harm befall us in the world where the truest threats lie." Bottom line, He doesn't allow anything to happen to us that we can't handle without His help. Trust me, I've wondered before how in the world He could trust me this much?? but there are so many things that we don't even see or comprehend that He protects us from because we are His children.

Won't you put your trust in Him wholeheartedly and look to Him for your help? He's proven over and over that He's the real deal.

One week left...

We have a week left to earn $240 to meet our goal of $1500 for the Swim for Melissa Fundraiser. I have contacted everyone I have email addresses for I do believe, and I am extremely grateful for the overwhelming response we have had so far. I believe we could meet our goal, but if not, I am thrilled to know that we raised nearly $1500 to go towards buying a Giraffe Omnibed which costs about $40,000.

Like I've said before, you never expect you or anyone you know to have to use equipment like this, but if it does happen, you are thankful that it's available and that people like you have been so generous to give so that your baby has a greater chance at life. A couple of Tori's doctors and nurses have even given to this fund in memory of Tori and I know they have seen first hand how much of a neccessity these beds are for 1 pound nine ounce babies like Tori and Melissa George. Thank you to all of you who have never even had to use something like this (and I pray you never have to) but have cared enough to give anyway....families like ours are so blessed and so thankful.

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