I've Been Held

I was awakened by our sweet puppies at 4:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so of course I laid there reflecting on what was going through my mind 2 years ago this morning as I was laying in bed. If you read my last post, you know why. I don't want to rehash all of it, but I do want to say this. I know God had a purpose for calling Aiden home early on, and I know He knew Tori's life would then be knitted together in my womb 2 months later only to call her home early, too. I look back and think that He knew both losses would happen, but WHY?? Not a WHY in the aspect of "Why did this have to happen to me," but a WHY as in "Why did He allow it and what does He want to use from it?"

These last few days have been filled with prayer more than usual. I am burdened for other people in my life: my husband, my families, other mothers who have lost their babies, and others. I have been asking God to give peace beyond all comprehension to these named people and to comfort them in a real, personal way. As I reflect on what happened two years ago, am I over the pain? No. I don't feel like I actually had time to grieve losing this first baby before getting pregnant with Tori again and getting my hopes up with her. But, somehow, 2 years later....I find myself so concerned with these people mentioned above and my pain seems to have peace cover it. It's hard to explain.

Instead of wallowing in my loss, I honestly just find myself wanting to help others. I don't say that at all for a pat on the back, but because I believe that the Lord has brought me to this place I could've never traveled to on my own. I'm reminded of Natalie grant's song, "Held," and how that's exactly what's been done to me....I've been HELD by God Himself. Here's the video to the song, I hope you'll take a minute and listen even if you've heard it before. I recently made it one of my ringtones because I love it so much.



I covet your prayers for the people I mentioned that are close to my heart lately, too. I fully believe that our Lord and Savior is pleased when He sees and hears His people having enough faith in Him to all call out to Him in their time of need or for any request we may have. He is pleased that we have that faith in Him and I believe He honors it. He may not always answer the way we'd like, but I know for certain He answers in a way that will work together for good.

I'd like to say something and no one comment on my faith, how much they admire me, etc., etc., for I am nothing but a sinner that continues mess up royally, but nonetheless I am saved by grace and so thankful for it!! I was thinking this week how Paul said we should be thankful for trials and rejoice in them...some might say: what??? Seriously, I have come to the point where I have said THANK YOU, Lord for allowing these things in my life for they have done what Romans 5:3 says they will...."we REJOICE in our sufferings for suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." AMEN!!