"Long time, no see"

I have had several emails written over these past 10 days asking if everything is okay here because I haven't posted anything. I guess when a regular blogger doesn't post in over a week, one might be curious as to why. So, if you were worried for any reason, don't be, I was simply on a mini vacation! :) Yep, that's right! Two days after I wrote last, I went with a friend of mine and our kids to her hometown in MS for a week. We just hung out with her family while our kids had a blast getting spoiled by the grand and adopted grandparents! :)

We then ventured to Birmingham on our way back and went to a water park, Alabama Adventures (some of you may know it), and again, the kids had a blast! It is so much fun to just see Savannah having the time of her life! I watch her and soak it all up knowing she won't be this little forever. I also think of Tori a lot and what she would be like at that age. I have lots of bittersweet feelings and thoughts all at once the more Savannah grows and enjoys life, although it is without her sister along for it all.

I watched Savannah love on a baby today at the church I'm working at, and she rubbed her arms, her legs, held her hand, kissed her hand and said "momma, look at me loving this baby!" It is a neat thing for her to experience, but all the time I'm thinking in my mind, "yes, baby, I see you loving on her. And I wish to God that you had your baby sister here to do that with everyday." She doesn't understand it all, so I never do say that, but it crosses my mind. I just want her to be able to know and love that precious baby that was here on this earth for almost 6 months. I want her to know that she had a sister, that was just like that precious little baby she was loving on today.

On another note, I am beginning the newest Beth Moore Bible Study with a wonderful group of ladies within our church. I was out last week due to vacation, so today was my first time to be present in class. I thoroughly enjoy Beth Moore, and encourage you to do this newest study if at all possible! Beth speaks so well and relates to exactly what women are feeling and going through until she is able to encourage you spiritually in a way you might have only dreamed possible! I cannot explain it well enough- you just need to check it out for yourself. It is called "stepping up," and I'm so looking forward to where God plans to take me through this journey. It focuses on the Psalms and I knew I always liked them, but I am reading and seeing them differently now than I ever have before!

In the Psalms there are all kinds of tones being expressed. There are complaints being said to God, there are sorrows being expressed, there are praises to His name for His wonderful works, there is sadness over losses, their is comfort and security and many more. I don't see how anyone could not read Psalms and there not be a specific verse (or probably more than one) that is fitting for them in their current journey in this life. I found several.

On yet another note, I am really burdended for quite a few people at this time. I made several friends throughout this journey with Tori, some of whom I've never even met in person, but know through an email relationship. Nonetheless, these people are dear to my heart because they cared enough for me and my sweet baby girl and they prayed me through the most difficult time in my life. One of those people is a friend of mine, Natashya, and her family. They got together at their church and had a prayer time one day where Tori was covered in prayer at a critical point. Her family were great prayer warriors on Tori's behalf. Many of my readers probably know her and the situation at hand, but if you don't, let me share as best as I can and ask you to pray.

Natashya's mom had been sick and they then thought she had a bad gallbladder infection, so they went in to take the gallbladder out hoping to solve the problem. While doing this surgery, the doctor discovers what he thinks may be liver cancer. Just to be honest, I am appalled at this the first time of hearing it all! I was one of those psalmists complaining at first. I think, no, Lord! This family has been an encouragement to me and I do not want them to suffer or feel the pain I have felt!! I begin to weep and pray. It really, really burdened me for some reason.

I then think about my best friends in Dothan, and his dad, having to have major surgery at UAB, when doctors in Dothan were very worried for his life. He has come through surgery and I thank the many of you within our church and other friends of mine for praying for him. Please continue to pray for him as this major heart surgery has changed a lot in his day to day life. We are thankful for the doctors ability to do the surgery well, but we ask for victory and healing in his everyday life! I was very upset to first hear of this all back then, though, remembering what a blessing this entire family was to me as they prayed me through a time in my life when all I could do was lean on their prayers.

There are countless other stories I could tell, such as the Smith's who lost their daughter right after Tori died, and how their nephew died of SIDS last month at 2 months of age. Completely healthy, beautiful little baby boy. Just a horrible "accident" (but then God makes no accidents, right?). What a lot for that family to endure, losing two precious babies within weeks of each other.

I know that is just life, and things happen like this contantly in people's day to day lives, but I have to be honest and admit that I'm not always "okay with it" at first when hearing about it all. When we first learned that my dad might have cancer again, but I couldn't tell you all yet, I thought "God, you have GOT to be joking me, right??" I can't lose him, too! But somehow through all these crazy, sorrowful, sad things I mentioned, God has a purpose for each life, for each family, for each person affected by each one of these. I've said it before, but He is omnipotent, onniscient God preparing the way for our lives, and as it was reinforced to me through my Bible Study so far, He always has our best interest at heart. It may not always seem like it, but He does. That is why I was able to turn my "upsetness" and complaining into praise and thanksgiving followed by my requests being told to God.

I ask you to pray for each of these families, and also an unspoken on my heart and mind. Satan is really trying to mess with me in some ways the closer I get to my Creator, and he doesn't like it all one bit. I ask the Lord to safeguard my mind and my heart that I will be able to do things like this Bible Study without being torn down or discouraged by different things.

One last thing, I am going to begin a really organized prayer journal. I wanted to ask if there were any really urgent or serious requests like I mentioned above that you are really struggling with yourself or within your family. People have been so diligent to pray for me, until I only want to give that much back in return times 100! You can comment it so others can read it and pray for you, too, or you can email it to me and I will keep it confidential. I had someone do this awhile back and I really am glad she shared it with me and asked me to pray. Please feel like you can do the same. Love to you all. I do feel like it's been awhile.... :)