Tori's Celebration

We had a wonderful time Saturday. Our friend photographed the event and I will post some pictures as I receive them. Several people that couldn't attend have asked how it went, so I am more than happy to report that we raised A LOT of items for the Huntsville Hospital NICU and will be delivering those tomorrow to the families currently there. They have about 50 babies there right now, so I plan to have something for everyone! It wouldn't have been possible without your support, generosity and concern for our family. So many have asked, "What can we do for you?" and this was a great thing to have been apart of, so for that I say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.



Someone had previously asked why were we doing this, and I told someone else on Saturday that it would have been real easy for me to sit at home on what would have been Tori's first birthday and sulk, be depressed and cry all day...doing nothing good for someone else. Instead, I took the opportunity to honor her in the best way I could think of and be a blessing to someone else that is now in the same shoes I was in a year ago (to the week exactly). It was this week after her birth that I had no idea what was going to happen, why this had happened or what to expect. I had no idea that the NICU even existed before Tori's birth.



I have not been inside the NICU here at Huntsville since the night we transferred to Vanderbilt, so I know it will be really hard to do so tomorrow. If you read this before 11:00 a.m. on Tuesday, please say a special prayer for us that He will be our strength, that these gits of love will be an encouragement to these families, and most of all, plant a seed of God's love and what He has done in our lives, even through a tragedy.



I will know how these parents feel when I go in there tomorrow. I will see their faces as they "love through the glass" and understand how their hearts ache. I will know the desperation they have that their precious baby will be okay. I will pray silently, and out loud if possible, for and with these families. We will be there during their "care times," when the parents are allowed to change their diapers, take their temperature and sometimes bathe, dress or hold them. I hope that you will join me in praying for each person that will be receiving a gift tomorrow, and that they may even find Jesus through this if they don't already know Him, because I have a little card in each bag encouraging them to know Him and the love and providence He gives.



Again, this is not anything of me, I place myself to the side, simply being a willing vessel for Him. I have asked God to take this tragedy in my life, this painful, raw wound in my heart and to heal it and use it to glorify Him in some way, shape or form. I believe that tomorrow can be one of those ways to do so. I feel privileged and honored to even be able to do so. Again, this wouldn't be possible without your gifts of love. Thank You.

One last thing, we did a beautiful thing on Saturday which I wanted to share, and that was all of the members of my family present released one butterfly each. My friend shared that a butterfly symbolizes a mother who has lost her child and is willing to let it go. I thought it was beautiful and sentimental to see all of the butterflies flying peacefully, freely and without pain or entrapment. I envision Tori doing and being all of those things in Heaven...she is no longer confined to a hospital bed, unable to move, in pain or crying restlessly. She is with her Heavenly Father, dancing in His presence, singing praises to His name!

We had a musical at church on Sunday, and it was so powerful for me. Almost every song spoke to me in some way about what all I am feeling at this point in my life with Tori's death. When I saw the small girls dancing as we sang a song about praising Jesus, I couldn't help but think, "My Tori is in Heaven, dancing in Jesus' presence today just like those little girls. She is a beautiful angel, more beautiful than anything we've ever seen. She is praising Jesus right along with me!" How awesome and comforting.