My birthday is a week from Monday and I was thinking back to my birthday last year with sweet Tori. It was WONDERFUL! That morning right as we got to the hospital, she self extubated herself (pulled out her breathing tube) and breathed on her own (with a little help from a nasal canula) for 36 hours before being put back on the vent again. They tried to rentubate her immediately but she literally bit down on the instrument the doctor needed to use to keep her mouth open and she would NOT let them do it! She was a fiesty one like her momma, I know! :) I just know she would've been a strong willed fighter for sure!!!
Since she fought it and they couldn't get it back in, she was doing well off of it so they decided to see what she could do on her own. She went 36 hours without the vent and it helped make her lungs stronger! Anything babies can do on their own (if even for awhile) helps them get stronger. We were so encouraged after this day. After seeing what she could do on her own, the doctors aggressively tried to get her off the vent after that day.
In the weeks that followed, they attempted to bring her oxygen levels way down and she did well at times. Her liver had just gotten so large because it was failing finally after not having real nutrition for awhile, so it became harder to breathe on her own. It is shocking to me in a way to think how well she did in that aspect and they were really shooting to let her eventually breathe on her own soon, and yet only a month and a half later, she died. It went down hill fast...like in a matter of 2 weeks. It was a major turn around from just a month before on my birthday.
All in all, I know God allowed these experiences so that as I reflect back on them, I see that His Hand was on us all the time, despite the outcome. She constantly did things (through Him) that couldn't be explained (although WE knew why). She defied the odds several times, when they thought she was too frail to go any further. I am thankful for all the experiences through Tori's life and what all it taught me.
"Tori, you are still and will forever be missed. I wish you were here for Mommy's birthday this year, but I know you are having the best party ever in Heaven and I can't wait to join you one day!!"
Park City Utah
2 years ago
4 comments:
Sweet Melissa - How precious are the promises we have from Him - how precious the promise of comfort - how real His comfort is. I,too, lost two children in less than two years. Both born alive, both too soon, both angels now. :-) And there were days I thought I would lose my mind. I saw little point in continuing living. I felt I was a burden to those that loved me - a failure. Almost forsaken by God. Then I was blessed with a healthy child. And as thankful as I was for my healthy child, dark, cloudy memories threatened to steal my joy. Threatened to steal my ability to be a fully involved mother to my healthy child. DID steal my ability at times. There is no way to "erase" the heartbreaking memories. You will always grieve for the loss of Tori and Aiden - believe me, I know. :-) I'm so thankful that God has given you a beautiful daughter to be here with you, Savannah, and a wonderful, supportive husband. As He gave me a child and a husband. I'm sure He is so pleased with your efforts to help others who are in similar situations - I found your blog because my healthy child also lost a child last year. And yes, the heartwrenching memories came flooding back. But greater than my sorrow was my broken heart that my child had to learn of this sorrow. But she also learned of His comfort. He is faithful. He never promised we would be exempt from life's afflictions. But He is faithful. I hope you find joy in the aftermath of your storm as you approach your birthday. I know you have experienced His blessings - I pray you find joy again. Tori would be so very happy to see her family experience some of the peace AND joy she has become an heir to. May God continue to bless you - and give you joy.
melissa...
happy birtday! and we miss you so much tori! thank you for all you taught us....thank you for showing what strength and not giving up looks like!
shannon s.
You have been on my mind so much this week! I'm hoping things might work out this coming weekend so I can sit and talk with you face to face. If not...then soon!
I know God brought us together for a reason, Melissa. There are just too many things we have in common for it to be chance.
Hi! It's me Julie from "O Love That Will Not Let Me Go". I am not quite sure what you were asking, but let me give it a go, but please let me know if I confused you more. The video I put on the blog is digital, so I downloaded it onto my computer. Then, I chose "New Post" and one of the download offers at the top of the white box is a video download.
I haven't figured out how to change mini cassettes to be digital yet.
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