In Times of Distress

When you're at your lowest point, feeling like you are defeated and distress is all around you, what do you do? Do you call out to Him? I must admit I have been guilty of not always doing so. Taking it to Him has in turn changed my thought process and often times calmed me down about the situation.

In day 2 of our Study, our context came from Psalm 120: "In my distress I called to the Lord, and He answered me. Lord, deliver me from lying lips and a deceitful tongue. What will He give you, and what will He do to you, you deceitful tongue? A warrior's sharp arrows, with burning charcoal! What misery that I have stayed in Meshech, that I have lived among the tents of Kedar! I have lived too long with those who hate peace. I am for peace; but when I speak, they are for war."

This first Psalm of Ascent was a distress call, and as Beth puts it, "not a bad place to start a journey. Sometimes the best motivation we'll ever have for going someplace new is distress over someplace old." She went on to say that a relationship is what the Lord desires, and not just an emergency response. He wants close interaction with us. I have been guilty of not making a personal relationship priority, but yet expecting God to give and bless my life. But how can we expect blessings when we don't bless God?? (more on that later)

In the NIV, it describes how the psalmist had a "woe is me" moment at the beginning of his journey. ("Woe to me that I dwell in Meshech, that I live among the tents of Kedar!" Ps. 120:5 NIV) Meshech and Kedar are not common places to us, but as Beth said, they describe a place where the psalmist felt as an alien, far from where he wished to be. The people around him in these places contributed to his feeling this way. The scripture says they hated peace and had deceitful tongues. He wanted out from all that! Do YOU have relationships like that? See what Beth says about this:

"We may have relationships with some people who don't highly prioritize integrity and who fight dirty, but somewhere along the way we've got to quit getting in the mud with them. Part of making our ascent is learning to take the high road. The process can begin by voicing to God the pain you've suffered on the low road. If you need to, have a biblical "woe to me" moment concering some difficult environments you're enduring. Sometimes you just need to get some things off your chest and know someone has listened. We can address God with some virtually impossible circumstances and personalities that surround us as we're trying to keep our spiritual act together. Some of you may feel as if you have so much stacked against you in your daily environment that it's no wonder you've lost your joy -- your holy passion, your effectiveness."

Have you been in YOUR "Meshech" too long? Have you dwelled among YOUR "tents of Kedar" and are ready to move on? If so, let me tell you what she says about doing this: "As you and I seek a higher road to walk on planet Earth, the time may have come to unlearn some things and sign up for some new lessons. Avoiding conflict is not the solution, but learning how to deal with it is. If we're willing, God will teach us. He will use His word, His Spirit, and on a good day, He will use His people. Meshech and Kedar were good places to begin on a journey upward. We must be honest about where we are before we can journey effectively to where we want to be."

Lesson well Learned

Well, yesterday was sadly the last day of my 7 week Beth Moore Bible Study, Stepping Up. (I still encourage all ladies that can to participate in this study if at all possible.) I was VERY sad to see it end; I have looked forward to meeting each week and doing my homework during the week, too. It was the first time that homework wasn't dreaded!!

Looking back over my workbook and reading over the things I highlighted and underlined that were important and meaningful to me got me realizing even more that God has had His hand on my life these past 7 weeks. He has been preparing my heart and working in me for a purpose and to see that now is so amazing. To see God's hand at work is something you don't want to miss out on, I promise. I am so thankful that I learned some of these things that I'd like to share with you all if that's okay.

"Humility is the natural posture of anyone who grasps the greatness of God." She talked about humbling ourselves before God is not self-hatred, but getting on our hands and faces before God is an act of reverence and surrender. If we are not able to humble ourselves, but carry on with our prideful attitudes, how then are we able to grasp the greatness of God? That is something I want to definitely not miss out on.

"Has it been awhile since you've had a good jolt to jump start your journey again? Do you want to learn to take the high road in that ongoing situation or conflict that so often tempts you to take the low road?" Little did I know when I read this in the first session that I was going to need these things during this study, but I did and am so thankful that I did this study. These are things this study prepares you for, Ladies. I urge you again to do this Bible study if at all possible.

"Sometimes we don't know why we're on a certain road with God until miles have made their way to the soles of our feet." WOW. That's all I can say. Miles later into my journey in life and in this study, I see some of the things God used on this road to help prepare me and strengthen me. He can do the same for you. Will you trust Him as you walk this road?

"If we could only see beyond the veil of the natural world, look upon our true surroundings, see the kingdom in the distance, and behold the face of Jesus Christ, we'd realize the tragedy of ever settling into a stagnant, mediocre relationship with God. That you and I are still here drawing terrestrial breaths tells us that God still has appointments for us." Well when you put it like that, wow, how could you not feel convicted about what we've let our relationships with Him become? It challenged me to grow with Him and not be mediocre at best.

Sometimes I admit that I want to throw in the towel. I've struggled with depression and Satan hopes every time that I will want to just give up when the bottom seems to fall out. I have to think that there is still SOME reason, some PLAN, some PURPOSE that I am still here, enduring what I am, and He is in control of it all. I at least owe Him my faithfulness and perseverance until I do see Him face to face.

"John Calvin called the Psalms, "An Anatomy of all the parts of the soul." While studying in the Psalms, I saw how vividly that the Psalms described so many emotions I was feeling. As he put it, "the Holy Spirit has here drawn to the life all the griefs, sorrows, fears, doubts, hopes, cares, perplexities, in short, all the distracting emotions with which the minds of men are wont to be agitated." She talks about what if we turned all these emotions into an avenue of worship rather than distraction? The Lord could work in each of us in a mighty way if we used books like the Psalms to guide us as we experience emotions like these.

Well, this was only day one of week one. It kind of introduced what we would be studying and what to expect. I'll share more of the heart of it later. If you want to see for yourself the Psalms we studied, open your Bible to Psalm 120-134 and have a good read!

True to His Word

I just a had brief thought, that I felt led to share. This week has been a horrific week for me and I have felt very discouraged. Though people and circumstances will disappoint us, let us down and we will do the same to others, aren't you glad that we have a loving Father that is there through it all? He promises to never leave or forsake us and I have taken Him at His word this week resting in the fact that that promise will be true in the days to come as well. I am so thankful that He is true to His word and that it never returns void. Some people need tangible proof that He is real and that the words of His book are true, but I'd like to share with them that first hand I know that it is all true and He is indeed real.

It is no coincidence that I have been doing an in depth Bible Study for the past 6 weeks on the Psalms of Ascent and "storing up," if you will, on His promises and provisions for my life. My flesh cries out at times and just wants to give up, but He has been faithful to bring me back to just the right scripture and person in my path to share it with me, too. When I feel so hopeless, He has been faithful to His word and draws me close to Him, comforting those who mourn, giving peace to the brokenhearted and loving me unconditionally. I am SO unworthy of this, but proud to be a child of the King and receive these gifts of love from my Father.

Won't you join me and receive the joy He gives to those who love Him? I have realized more than ever that I want to get out of the pit of oppression and live victoriously. I am going to mess up, even today after I write this blog, and I'm going to be hurt and disappointed by others, too, but I am so thankful for His Holy Spirit and His presence in my heart. I am so thankful that He is true to His word.

Through the Eyes of a Child

I have forgotten what it's like for the most part to see things through the eyes of a child. All the simplicities and innocence we took for granted, or simply because we just didn't know any better, are really missed sometimes. We were so naive until we matured and grew into adults, but weren't things a lot easier then, too?!

I know that the Lord never meant for us to stay a child, or as the maturity of one, but to grow in Him and grow up, too! But haven't you ever thought, even jokingly, "I just wanna be a kid again! No responsibilities. No problems. No worries." Well, to be honest, the thought has crossed my mind before when something particular may have triggered the thought, especially like tonight.

As I was putting down Savannah for bed and saying our prayers tonight, I was doing what I usually do and that is to "help" her pray, while she adds in things here and there: "Pray for Papaw, pray for Mammie, pray for Nana Lo, etc." Well tonight after we finished and I was leaving her room, I heard her say "...and I pray for Tori, too; keep her safe." It was precious.

Savannah was old enough to grasp the concept that Baby Tori was her baby sister, that she was sick and that she was in the hospital and that's where Mommy and Daddy always went. But when she died and we tried to explain heaven to a two year old, it was nearly impossible. We couldn't explain death or where she was. When going to the cemetery with us one time, she wanted to know where Tori was because we had said we were going to see her. It's confusing to her I'm sure, but to know that she still thinks about her and even prays for her, it's precious.

Don't get me wrong, I want her to grow and know our Savior personally and understand what Heaven is all about, but I also thought it was sweet to keep her childlike faith and thoughts for as long as possible! No death, bad times, trials or struggles exist to her. How nice is that?!

We hadn't even discussed Tori to her today, so to think of that by herself tonight, I was surprised. Usually things will trigger her prayers, like if it's someone she had talked to on the phone or just seen. I already knew she was smart, but I guess it's actually a sign of her growing up after all, huh?

Anyway, there's no real "point" to my blog; her saying that tonight just got me thinking about what it was like to be a child and how nice it was to have my parents bear everything for me and me just enjoy life! Children have no concept of time, reality or things like that...when they're this young anyway. However, I remember thinking as a child one time that there weren't people in places I had never been, that only the ones I'd seen or places I'd visited even existed. :)

I guess this is also another reason I could have a trillion children- I love their innocence, how they think, their own "languages" and their perception of life is really quite simple and much happier!

Rather than try to explain it to Savannah tonight, I just kissed her forehead, told her that was sweet and goodnight. We will have plenty of time to tell her how wonderful her little sister really was. She has already heard that she is with Jesus and that is the best place she could be if she can't be here with her mommy and daddy! I can only imagine what her little, inquisitive mind makes of that!

Thank you!!

I just wanted to say thank you for all the donations that have come in on Tori's behalf for Giraffe Omnibeds for Huntsville Hospital NICU. People we know and don't know have been so generous and given above and beyond what we ever expected. I want to say again that this has not been a competition for us, but a joy to know that we are helping make a difference for other babies born early just like Tori was!

I cannot explain the unfathomable feelings you have when you are in the situation of your baby being born 3 months early, too small to survive on it's own; you are grasping for any information or help possible. You as a parent are completely helpless on what you can do for your child for once, and you just have to rely on people who know what they can do and new and improving equipment like these beds that help babies so much more than I realized in the beginning.

I'd like to publicly share what the website shares, and that is the names that have given. You all are to be honored, although I know that's not why you gave, but I wanted to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you. I have not been able to email you all individually, nor do I have a few of the people's email addresses, so please, please know that I appreciate your donation and it means so much to me and my family personally!!

We have 20 days left to raise $450. If you would still like to give, you can do so at https://www.swimformelissa.org/mypage.php?p=13 and we would appreciate it.

Thank you again!!

Janet Duff
Julie Golos
Susan Best
Teresa Frakes
Lois Wilhoit
Casey Cooper
Amanda Hoot
Monica Williams
Kathy Beasley
Tanya Dutton
Lisa M. Slater
Antonia Diaz
Sharron Horton
Trina Chunn
Jerri Landers
Doris Couch
Pam Fowler
Josephine Wampler
Sharon Bowers
Charline Bird
Janice Motes
Julie Jones
Chris And Vickie Gentle
Larissa Boyd
Alan And Vilera Mills
Robyn Curns
Patrick Jones
Kristy Ethridge
Shannon Cook
Christie Huggins
Paula Gushard
Gracie Clark
Tammila Akins

Friend or Foe

Having been a PK all my life, I've unfortunately seen a lot of hurtful situations. I've seen personal attacks on my family as well as other church members and it is has always mindboggled me how people who call themselves Christians could act in such a way. When I was younger, I couldn't believe that adults, who seemed so much wiser than I, could ever do and say such things in church. Now that I am an adult, I see that we are still as stubborn as we were as children in some ways.

Why do I bring this up? Well the Lord has really been working on me for several years now about my trust and forgiveness issues. Some of you may not realize this has even been an issue for me, but it has. Because people that I've loved and had a relationship with before have publicly said hurtful things to my family and others I love, or done things secretly that caused pain, it has caused me to put walls up in my mind and around my heart before getting close to anyone. I have found this to be true through building many friendships and while getting closer to people. I didn't realize that it was as severe as it was before until one of my good friends bluntly asked me one day, "What kind of friendships have you had before? Good time friends? Well, guess what?! I am here to stay!" It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was still doing it...building walls, staying in my comfort zone, wearing my happy face even when my heart is breaking inside, because everyone knows a pastor's wife and kids have to be happy at all times :)

These trust issues have led me to not be quick to open up to others, not share my heart for fear of pain, have bitterness in my heart and even trouble forgiving others. It has caused me to be "on guard," looking at every person as a possible suspect and wondering if they're going to hurt me. What a horrible way to live life, I know! Now, I'm just sharing my heart, so bear with me, I promise I'm getting to a good ending! I have always been a very transparent person, even before my writings, so I'm not ashamed to share all this. I would probably say that all these things have gotten better since being at Wall Highway Baptist Church, though, where we attend now.

My dad has always longed to pastor a church like WHBC, where they have servant's hearts, people who share his vision to grow a church and follow his leadership. One of our church's where we lived for 10 years reminds me so much of WHBC in some ways. When we went there, there were probably 100 people, and it quadrupled until we had to move out of our sanctuary, that we quickly outgrew, into our family life center for services. God was moving and working. I saw it like never before. It was awesome! That is where I see the similarities with WHBC. Unfortunately, there were behind the scenes actions going on at that church that has caused a lot of the pain and inability to trust for me. And I was only a teenager, at a very impressionable age where I began to think all church members were this way! Thank the Lord that He has broken down those barriers in my heart and mind, though, and I have been blessed with lifelong friendships because of it!

The people who started that church or had been there for awhile didn't like the growth. They didn't like all the new faces. They stuck to the "Us 4 and no more" motto. I saw my friend's dad stand up in business meetings and slosh my dad. How was I to draw the line between my friendships and their family's personal attacks on my father? Since then, I have always struggled with being able to have my own relationships in the church because of thinking they might be anti the preacher and that makes for a hard place for me to be in....having a relationship I care about and yet defending my own flesh and blood, too. Even the not so personal attacks, but people getting mad and leaving have affected me personally.

I still deal with some of these things that I mentioned above, but not nearly as much as a few years back. I read a book right after coming to Wall Highway, "When you Can't Say I Forgive You" and it helped me immensely. Growing my own family and somewhat "detaching," if you will, from the pastor family limelight has helped as well. I always said "I will never marry anyone in the ministry!" and God has dealt with me many times on that statement. He has shown me that, "Yes, if I call you to do something, you will do it because you love me and want to follow me, not because of your own desires because of past hurts. I can turn those scars into a beautiful thing."

Growing physically (in age) and spiritually has also changed my view of viewing everyone as a "friend or foe." In Christ, we are all friends (brothers and sisters in Him) and are told to be there for each other, bearing each other's burdens, praying for each other, too. Through Tori's life, He spoke to me on all these issues I've had believe it or not. So many people showed me and my family the true meaning of Proverbs 17:17, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

I have said it before, but without being a PK, enduring even the hard times, we wouldn't have been so blessed with all the GOOD relationships that have come out of being in the ministry. I am so thankful for people that the Lord has put in our lives, teaching me that He is faithful even when I think there's no hope for a true friendship out there. It has also taught me (although I am by no means perfect at it!!) the qualities that I would want in a friend and how to be a better one. I am thankful for each of you reading this, because in some way, you have been brought into my life and our paths have crossed in one way or the other and I am so blessed.

Spiritual Warfare -- Part 2

Not that it's a real big deal, but I put off finishing my part 2 blog from last week because I had a lot of different things going on and not really the right words to say at the moment. I don't know that I do, even now, but will try.

I feel like Satan attacks us in the sneakiest, slyest, and yet best ways. Actually, I know he does- he is truly the master of deceit. He knows how to get in, but it's not up to him whether or not we allow him to get the victory. We make a choice how to respond and what to say or do when in a situation. The Lord always makes an "out" for us when faced with temptation- and I mean even with the smallest things. I realize that more and more and actually see it firsthand as I am thinking more on my response to others before it just comes on out. I find that when being cautious about my tone or words when responding to others, makes for much less "negatives." Satan wants the opposite to be accomplished, though. He wants us to be selfish, demanding and plain mean.

I titled this spiritual warfare, because I know that we are constantly fighting a battle, especially in our day and age, against Satan and all his powers of darkness (Eph. 6:12). It may sound cliche to talk about putting on the armor of Christ, in every situation, but truly it's our only defense. What is the Full Armor of God? The Belt of TRUTH, Breastplate of RIGHTEOUSNESS, Shield of FAITH, Helmet of SALVATION, Sword of the SPIRIT and Feet prepared with the GOSPEL. Equipped with all this, knowing He is on our side, who can be against us????

I felt inclined to talk about all this last week because I felt like I was fighting a spiritual battle. I have mentioned this already, but I am doing this Beth Moore Study, and I told a friend of mine the other day, "It's really kicking my butt!" And I mean that in a good way!! I phrased it like that to emphasize that the Lord is really working on me and convicting me about some things, and Satan doesn't like it all one bit. He wants to try and use other people and circumstances to rob me of the joy, assurance, peace and security I am feeling from the Lord like never before.

I must admit that over the past month, I've been in a dark place most days. We learned this week about the oppressed and the oppressors in Psalm 129. It shed great light on my soul about some things and I no longer want to be the oppressor to others, and I also don't want to be oppressed. I realized that even if our oppression has been brought on by ourselves, He can and will still deliver us from it and for that I am so grateful. It proves His loyalty and His unconditional love for me. So, I am trusting God with my circumstances, fully handing them over to Him, rebuking Satan in the name of Jesus!, and also putting the people I love the most in the greatest Care that I ever could -- and that's with Him.

I believe with A LOT of prayer, faith, studying, perseverance and trusting, Satan can and will be overcome. I look forward to sharing some of the things I've learned in this study with my blog readers. I hope you all will continue to come back and read and share with me, too. I promise I haven't forgotten you all. It's been awhile because I've been dealing with some pretty heavy stuff for awhile now it seems. I thank you for your prayers and your caring spirits.

Money Well Spent

We only have 30 days left to raise $985 which would complete our goal of $1500 to put towards buying Huntsville Hospital NICU more Giraffe Omnibeds (which is what Tori was in when she was born).

We aren't asking for you to give a whole lot, although we are SO thankful that people have been able to give above and beyond the $10 minimum we are asking for. If we had 98 people (which we know at least 98 more people) that would give $10, we would make our goal.

I want to emphasize that this is not a competition for us. We realize what an important thing this fundraiser is, and have seen first hand how important it is to have these beds available when you need one.

You never imagine that YOUR child, grandchild, niece, nephew or even friend will need equipment like this. We sure didn't. But now we're more aware and more grateful for things like this fundraiser that are in place that may help YOU or someone you know one day.

This is also an awesome way for us to do an honorable and memorable thing in Tori's name. This is one of the best ways that I can think of to honor her life, and that is to help another baby just like her that may need this in the future.

Tori was 1 pound 9 ounces when she was born, and so was Melissa George. They both were too small to keep up their own body temperature themselves, as well as other babies just like them that are born everyday. Equipment like these very important beds are what we can do to help all of these babies who so rightfully deserve a chance at life.

Visit the site below to donate your $10 today. Time is running out!! THANK YOU SO MUCH.

https://www.swimformelissa.org/mypage.php?p=13

Spiritual Warfare -- Part 1

Before I begin this post that's been on my heart for over a week now, but I just didn't know how to put it into words, let me share my testimony. I'd like to do so because I feel like after hearing a speaker at church Sunday, everyone's testimony is awesome, no matter how simple it may be, and it is worth sharing.

Let me back up to say that although I have hated and despised for it to define me in years past, it is indeed true that I am a PK (preacher's kid). I don't resent it like I did when I was in high school, but at times I would just like to be labeled as ME: "Melissa Leigh Wilhoit" and not "the pastor's daughter." If you do view me as that or have in the past, don't think I'm angry about it, because actually I'm not. I'm used to it and have come to accept it, although having my own identity would be nice. I do look at the other side of the spectrum, though: if my dad wasn't a called man of God to preach the word, would I have been involved in church like I have all my life and known all the people I know that helped get me through such an awful time in my life? We had people from past ministries and churches praying, emailing, sending cards, calling, etc when we needed church families the most. My dad's faithfulness has in turn reaped a lot of wonderful, godly relationships throughout the years that have given our family long lasting friendships and for that I am forever grateful.

Okay, so why do I bring up the fact that I'm a PK if I've hated it so much in the past? Well, to give you my background. I was raised in church...I went to the nursery in Shelton Beach Road Baptist Church in Saraland, AL (some of my readers live there), and was a toddler there where I distinctly remember going to all the church functions with my black patton purse in tow, asking various members for "monies." No, my dad didn't put me up to it, I guess I was just trying to get the offerings that didn't get given that day for myself. HA,HA. I hope everyone knows I'm kidding, although it is a funny story my family looks back on that I actually did do that as toddler. Anyway, my point to all that is, I was born and raised in church. I've never known anything different, and today, I can honestly say PRAISE GOD! that that's the case!

I said jokingly to someone the other day that I grew up having a flannel graph board view of what Christianity is all about. (Not I'm not picking on our teaching methods to our children, because that's where the seeds are planted I fully believe. Without the flannel graph, I wouldn't have known all the Bible stories at an early age like I do today!) Again, my point I hope I am making clear is that I wasn't a rebellious teenager that turned from a ton of awful sins and gave my life to Christ.

The night that I remember praying and asking the Lord to save me was a Sunday night after church. I questioned and quizzed my parents until I said I was ready to be saved. I remember the couch we were sitting on and where in our house that it was with both parents on each side of me, going through the plan of salvation with me after desiring to know and accept it. I remember praying and they have held me accountable until this day that I made a profession of faith that night. However, I can't honestly say that I have always been at peace with that "childlike faith decision" that I made at 5 years of age.

I have thought several times in my short 25 years of life that since I didn't have much to repent from at 5 years old, then how did I possibly understand I was sinner and repent if I didn't have much to repent from?! And that's not all. Because I was saved at a young age, I thought about how I didn't have a bunch of nasty habits to give up or turn my life around from. That is where the childlike faith comes in, and I believe that I did have that at 5 years of age. I believe that I knew at that time that Jesus was God's Son, that He loved me and died for me, that on the 3rd day He rose again that I may have eternal life. I believed that I was a sinner and knew that there was no other way to Him other than through the Father...not by anything I could do. That was the childlike faith that He asks us to come to Him with, and I believe I had it and He saved me when I called upon Him and asked Him to. I knew that I needed Him and that was that.

Well, because I was a PK and always in church, I got to middle school and the ridicule came. I heard it all, from thinking I was holier than everybody (which I didn't), that I was so religious (which I hate religion- I love Christianity- there is a difference), that I wasn't invited to this or that because of who my dad was, that I couldn't be apart of this or hear or do this because I probably wasn't allowed to; you name it, I heard and saw it, and although it is so petty looking back, I fell for it then. I thought I had to prove everybody wrong and be the exact opposite of what they thought. I made it my life's ambition over the next several years to try to NOT live up to what all they were saying. And for the most part, I was able to be involved in my youth group in and out (I remember being committed at a time, but that didn't always stick), and yet do the same ole thing, remaining unchanged.

So by the time I graduated High School, I wasn't near as severe, but I wasn't as sold out as I should have been either. I had a Christian fiance, thank God, but didn't appreciate it as much as I do now. To be unequally yoked would have to be abou the hardest thing I could think of. So, we got married, we each taught Sunday School (children and pre teens), he sang in the choir, we were faithful in Church. But the actual growing and maturing in Christ, the bearing of the fruits, weren't always the most important and always evident.

I very detailed have led you up to this point to say that I was in church all my life, knowing all the answers, accepting Christ at a young age, growing as a child into a teenager and choosing the world instead of growing and committing my life to Him, getting married and beginning my life while still being lukewarm at times, and then not until about 4 years ago did I begin to question my whole life, even my salvation.

I remembered what I did as a child, but I did (and still do sometimes) feel guilty about not having made my life count all those years. I knew that I didn't follow through with what a believer is supposed to do, and that is to change from your old ways because you are a new creature! I hope this is understandable of why one may think this way, but if not, I nailed it down then anyway and publicly professed it just to make sure I knew that I knew. I had a whole church body holding me accountable to me realizing that I had never made my life count after salvation, that I had been lukewarm, that I now needed to serve Him and make Him Lord, not just Savior. I feel that I did just that. I have realized time and time again, that salvation is not a certain worded prayer, that it is a heart issue. My dad had reminded me that no 2 salvations are exactly alike. People say it different ways when praying to Him. It's not an actual "come into my heart" prayer for everybody like I did at 5 years of age. Since then, I have committed my life to Him (while continuing to not let Him always be LORD, like He should) and know that I know that I will be in Heaven with Him one day. Satan has tried several times to discourage me and make me wonder again, but I always take it to the Lord and remind myself of what I believe and what I've done. (I have found vocally rebuking Satan is actually very helpful!)

So, if you're actually still reading this novel (thank you), I'm getting to my point, I promise. I feel like there is constant spiritual warfare going on...especially in my own life lately. What is spiritual warfare? I found a pretty good description of what I was trying to put into words at www.allaboutfollowingjesus.org and wanted to share it:

Spiritual Warfare: What is it?
Spiritual warfare exists in the unseen, supernatural dimension, where God is all-powerful and Satan is in revolt. As any Christian soon discovers, although spiritual warfare is unseen, it’s absolutely real. The Bible speaks of spiritual warfare in many places, but most directly in Ephesians 6:12, where Paul speaks of putting on the full armor of God:

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Spiritual Warfare: How Do We Go Into Battle as Christians?
Spiritual warfare is an image that many of us would rather reject. However, since the Bible uses terms of warfare, it’s best that we accept God’s imagery, so that we’re properly prepared for real battle. As Christians, we’re going through more than a mere “struggle” on earth – and its seems that war imagery captures this reality better than anything else. Since it’s warfare, God instructs Christians to use a very specific set of armor and weapons in Ephesians 6:14-18:

“Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit...”

God’s list of weaponry is rather unique – these are “weapons of peace.”

Throughout the Bible, you will find examples of God’s weaponry in action. For instance, King Jehoshaphat sent out praise singers in front of his soldiers to cause disarray among the enemy; Joshua used singing and trumpets to bring down the great city of Jericho; and what better example of using faith in battle than David fighting Goliath with a slingshot. Of course, the lesson in all these examples (as in all spiritual warfare today) is that it’s only God who allows us to claim victory over evil!

Spiritual Warfare: Be Strong in the Lord
Spiritual warfare is a reality of the Christian life. But remember, we know the ending – our side wins. Since the Devil has already lost, he has nothing to lose in trying to take as many people with him in defeat. Therefore:

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” (Ephesians 6:10-11).

I have a lot more I want to share, but for now just wanted to share my testimony because I don't think I have with my blog readers, and also introduce something that is weighing heavy on my heart and mind. I am having the TIME OF MY LIFE as I have joined the ladies at our church in doing an awesome, new Beth Moore study, "Stepping Up," and I encourage EVERY lady to participate if at all possible. Since starting a personal, deep, daily study, "life" has hit me...from lots of different directions. Satan doesn't want me going deeper and growing with Him. Yes, I hide it well. I wear lots of "makeup" and "thick clothes" to hide my innermost hurts, fears, and pains, and I don't open up very easily believe it or not.

Satan has attacked me from different angles, being the clever thief that he is, trying to fill my head with lies, making me feel worthless and attacking those I love the most, too. Throughout these attacks, I am SO glad to say that I haven't given up or given in. Have I felt like it? Yep, as a matter of fact, I just told a friend today, "I'm just getting tired of it all. I'm trying, really trying, but I'm getting plain worn out." Faithfulness isn't about trying until it gets easy again though, is it? WOW. Hit me like a ton of bricks. It's about persevering through it all, no matter how hard the road to travel.

I also told someone at the beginning of this study that I feel like I shouldn't even be doing it because of stuff I'm going through (like it's all too much right now), but thankfully, they were wise enough to tell me that "No, this is actually the perfect time that you need to be doing this study, because God wants to grow you even more through it; He doesn't expect your life to be free of chaos and THEN you do this in depth study." WOW. Again, hit me like a load of 'em. Same thing as salvation; God does the picking up and dusting off, cleaning us up and making us new. He doesn't expect us to come to Him ONCE we've done it and achieved it ourselves; it's impossible.

So, if I've left you hanging, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I will be updating more on what's on my heart and mind soon. If you got this far, thanks for persevering yourself and reading such an unexpected long post. Have a good rest of the week.