"Though He Slay Me, Yet Will I Hope in Him..."

That was the title of my devotion yesterday. I really don't plan on sharing them with you everyday, but God just seems to be laying it on me lately in all the right areas until it's just like being a new Christian again and you want to share with everyone you know!! (A friend and I plan on doing a study of Job together and I cannot wait to see what the Lord reveals to me as we go through it...so I'm sure you'll be hearing about some of that, too!) :o)

As I read this devotion, I felt like she was explaining my inner heart and feelings to a "T." I was telling a friend of mine the other day that through grief counseling, books, and various people, I've heard "you have a right to feel the way you do...your feelings and "emotions" are normal and healthy." Well I began feeling somewhat guilty with some of my emotions. I thought "Yes, this may be deemed "normal" to feel this way, but to what extent is not sinful?" Let me explain. Grieving and being angry are "normal" feelings, but when it goes to the extreme in certain circumstances (that I won't go into for the sake of lengthiness), Satan will use those emotions and "normal" feelings to rob you of your joy and discourage you so deeply into a pit that you can't seem to get out of. It may also cause you to doubt God and His "Plan B" for your life.

You may have seen in my email to our church family, or on the side column of my blog, about the Smith family's video, but if not, I will share it with you all now. A church in Nashville did a video talking about their situation and how they have lost their infant daughter, Audrey. They found out at 20 weeks gestation that Audrey had several fatal issues. They heard the word "fatal," but knew that their God was bigger than any doctor's diagnosis and that ultimately, HE is the great physician. Even when Audrey was born, they hoped for a miracle. They never gave up hope. Ultimately, the Lord saw fit to take Audrey home with Him, just as He did Tori. Their hearts are broken, so I ask you to pray for them. The good part is, I know if I asked them, they would agree with me in saying that they believe this verse, Job 13:15, is true in their hearts and lives as well.

Back to the video- the church that recorded it, is doing a series discussing our "Plan B's" in life. Ultimately, there is no "Plan B," for God knows everything that will be and He is in control of it all. However, when our dreams come crashing down, and for us, our daughter doesn't live like we thought she would, will we still remain faithful and "hope in Him?" Will we accept His "Plan B" for our life? I encourage you to watch this video. It's 22 minutes, but well worth the time. For those who have been following Tori's story since birth, you will probably see how strikingly similar some of the things in their story is to ours. The hoping for a miracle and her life to be spared, and yet trusting that it was a greater impact for it to happen this way, is the major thing that sticks out in my mind. The link for the video is http://www.vimeo.com/951902/.

After seeing this video and reading the following devotion, Josh and I discussed about the lady writing it, that even though she didn't know if the spot in her colon was cancerous, and whether or not she had long to live, she remained faithful and hoped in Him. Some may say "Well that's easy for her to say, she didn't die and it wasn't cancerous." Her "Plan A" worked out. But what about people like the Smith's, whose daughter didn't receive a miracle to undo the fatal issues? What about my entire family, who after watching Tori fight for so long and believing that the Lord could heal her, but in the end didn't?

We, the Smith's and my family (and only with His help), have remained faithful and have not succumbed to our "emotions" and what we may really feel deep down. That is where I believe the line is drawn in our "normal" feelings and then when they become sinful...when we don't accept the Plan B in our lives...when things don't work out the way we wanted...when we didn't get the job promotion we wanted but someone else did...when a relationship in our life fails...when someone you love dies....when you're "slayed" (as each of these areas describe)...will you still "hope and trust in Him?" I pray you will.


Though He Slay Me I will Trust- "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;" Job 13:15

Devotion:
Have you ever become a victim to your emotions? I have. Many times our circumstances stir our emotions and we respond inappropriately. While our emotions toward our situation are not entirely wrong; they are just not entirely reliable. But God is.Adversity, trials, and sufferings are God's greatest tools for growing us spiritually. However, our emotions can tell us otherwise, making it hard to trust God for a good outcome. I think the reason it may be hard to rely on God in hardships is because we forget who our God is. We are focused on what our eyes can see instead of the unseen hand of God at work in our lives.During this past year, the doctor discovered a mass in my colon from a CT scan. Usually, I'm not one to worry until there is something to worry about. Although this time I was consumed with "what if." What if it's cancer? What if I've come to the end of my days and my kids have to grow up without a mom? What if this trial is a test of faith? Like Job, will I be able to say, "Though you slay me, I will trust you?" I hoped so.

God only eliminates the things in my life that don't "look" like Him. If there is a characteristic in my life that needs to be put to death, I can trust God will do it and I'll be better off without it. While my mind may acknowledge this truth, my emotions need God's grace in order to trust Him in the process. God's grace is always sufficient. He is enough for whatever I face. Recalling God's faithfulness in my past helps me trust Him in the present. Like David, Habakkuk and many others, I stir my faith in God by remembering those past victories. David was able to face and slay the giant because he remembered God's faithfulness in his past battles. Habakkuk, as he prayed about his situation, remembered God's history with the Israelite children and how He brought them triumph. Remembering our past victories reminds us of just how big and able our God is, and rescues us from any doubt in our present situation. It offers strength, hope, and the faith we need to endure.In our human nature, we fear. But as children of God, we must remember how the righteous live. They live by faith. So I'm learning to say in my circumstances, "God, this is not what I want. It's not what I planned for my life, but though you slay me I'm choosing to trust you."

After further testing, the mass that appeared on my CT scan could no longer be detected. The doctors were stunned. At first, I was surprised, too. Then, I realized that God not only eliminated the mass in my colon. He eliminated another layer of doubt in my life. In the hollow of that place, a deeper faith in God took root. Instead of trusting my feelings, I'm choosing to trust my God. He is enough both now and always for whatever comes my way. While my emotions my trip me up from time to time, still, I will trust Him. Why--because if something needs slaying in my life, I'm better off without it and God is just the one to make the change a success.

Dear Lord, I don't understand what's going on in my life right now. This is not what I planned, but I choose to trust You. Help me to see the good You are bringing out of my situation, and the good You can bring within me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.