Blast from the Past

Okay, so it was only 5 years ago, but a lot has happened and changed over 5 years for Josh and I. As for our wedding picture above, I think we look pretty dang different, too! If I could fit into that dress 3 pregnancies and 5 years later, I'd be as happy as a pig in a pool of cool mud on a sunny day (don't you love my analogies?!)!! As for Josh, he hasn't gained much weight since his stunning portrait above (brownie points!), but he sure does look a lot more "baby face" to me back then! I hate to see 30 approaching faster each year (I know, I know....some of you are thinking "VOMIT- you don't even know old yet"), but I can't help thinking of it that way for ME personally. I definitely don't think 30 is old for someone else, though. :) The grass is always greener on the other side, though, right?!

As we approach 5 years in about 2 weeks, I think of how a marriage is supposed to be like a fine wine, only getting better with time. Now I'm no wine connoisseur, but that's what I've heard. I hope to say that in 30 years, our marriage is stronger than it is today. And even more so the next day and then the next. You get my point. I think of how much we've come through (some things that you don't always want to bring back up), and where we are now compared to where we were then when that wedding portrait was taken.

I still feel very unexperienced in a lot of things in life, but I think Josh and I have had several things in our short "honeymooner phase," as some may like to call it, that we have endured, persevered through, and learned from. Are we perfect? Heavens, no! We could use "marital tune ups" on a regular basis....I say that because I think marriages operate like cars.....needing a tune up every now and then....weekends away like we just had. Do we always make time for those marital "tune ups," though? Unfortunately no, and I can tell when our day to day lives suffer because of it. I encourage you to just get away with your spouse sometime soon if you haven't done so in awhile.

I was telling my mom when we got back, I almost didn't know what to do with myself. Savannah is not fully potty trained yet, so I am always used to having to mother and always "do" for someone else and not just myself.....change her diapers, "blow" her food off when it's too hot, bathe her, dress her, all the countless things that mommy's do in one day! So to not be doing that for a whole weekend, I didn't know what to do with myself at times! I must admit I called several times to check on and talk with her. Not because I didn't trust that she was okay, because I know she was being well taken care of, but it was for ME, to fulfill a longing in MY heart. Josh and I had not really been away like this since our honeymoon. Savannah will be 3 years old in October, and it has been too long since we had some US time for more than a day or a night here and there.

You may be thinking, "What about all the days on end that you were apart from Savannah while you were in Nashville with Tori?" That's just it. I was with Tori. My daughter. I was still in "mothering mode." Although there were several things that I could not do for her because a nurse had to, I was there for her, as my daughter, doing what I do. Caring for and taking care of someone else. Now don't get me wrong, I would rather do nothing else if given a choice!

If you've read my blogs since the beginning, you'll know that all I ever wanted to do was have a houseful of babies! Lots of kids to take care of and love on. I remember my mom saying when Josh and I first started talking about having a baby, "Now you realize "this" will change, and you won't be able to do "that" as much anymore. It will be a lot of work." I remember telling her I didn't care! I wanted the sleepless nights, bottles to make, diapers to change, clothes to wash, etc. Some people may think I'm crazy for thinking that way, but that's how badly I love children, especially my own. I would do anything and everything for them, as any good parent would I know.

My point after all that was despite the fact that Savannah and I were seperated off and on for a period of almost 6 months, I still had my "mothering responsibilities" with Tori and felt needed. (Check out Amy George's blog on my side column on this very subject. She published a post on May 20 that describes this need perfectly to a 'T') Josh and I had no quality time or rejuvenation for our marriage during that time. It was hardly possible. After all that, we needed a weekend to get away and have just that.

I remembered what it was like to be his wife first and foremost. I love my daughter(s) with all my heart and soul, I really do, but I love the man who gave me those precious babies even more. I really mean that, not just being sappy or just saying it because it sounds nice. I pray that He strengthens our relationship because Lord knows we need His strength on a daily basis.

No wonder marriages suffer like they do. I realized how quiet it was without Savannah or her movies or her music. I told Josh that if we weren't completely and fully best friends and close enough, when she was out of the house, gone for good, what would there be to talk about? What would we do? Stare at each other? No. We've got to remember to keep our marriage fresh and rejuvenated even without Savannah.

I hope and pray that you feel this same zeal as I do! Your marriage will prosper because of it!